


to lose a friend

by constant



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 00z line, Alternate Universe - College/University, Happy Birthday Seungmin, Idk about the ending, M/M, Maybe fluff, Swimmer Hyunjin, and jeongin my bb, happy birthday jinyoung, jinyoung is only mentioned tho, kim seungmin best boy, not angst i promise, seungjin bestfriends!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-25 09:03:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20721653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/constant/pseuds/constant
Summary: “Oh, Seungmin! You share the same birthday!”Seungmin sits there as if the whole world just crashed on him.Because, oh. That’s today.Jinyoung’s birthday party is today. Jinyoung, Hyunjin’s number one inspiration and athlete crush. The birthday party, which Hyunjin is invited to and excitedly told Seungmin about over the phone two weeks ago. Jinyoung’s birthday party, which Hyunjin would never miss for the world, not for anything, not even for his best friend's birthday celebration.Oh.- In which Seungmin finds out that Hyunjin chooses to go to his crush's birthday party over his.





	to lose a friend

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tuanpark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tuanpark/gifts).

> • for ron!! because if it wasn't for that one conversation, i never would have come up w this kind of idea lol happy seungmin and jinyoung day to you!  
•originally planned this to be in hj's pov but that didnt seem to work,,, i really wanted to show hj's dilemma but,, i have limited capabilities :(  
•this is not as angsty as how the title says it is,, and im having mixed feelings with the ending and by mixed feelings i mean, im not feeling it at all. but then again, limited capabilities!

“Is your superstar friend even coming?” Jisung inquires as he shoves a spoonful of cake into his mouth, after which he cranes his neck towards the direction of the front door, as if checking for any signs of the arrival of their most awaited guest. 

That is, _if_ he’s even coming. 

Before Seungmin can even respond, Felix points out the smudge of icing on Jisung’s mouth, and they both fall into another argument when Jisung wipes it off and there isn’t actually anything on his face. 

“On the other side, dumbass!” 

Jeongin’s chuckles echoes throughout the kitchen, and Seungmin’s quite glad that at least his friends are having fun, even if it’s supposed to be _his_ birthday party. 

But it’s not like he’s not enjoying the presence of his friends. He appreciates them all for coming, he really does. He even thinks it’s really sweet that they all pitched in to buy him a present, in which they insisted that he open only after they’ve all gone home, so he still has zero idea what’s in the green paper bag. (When Seungmin opens it later, he finds out that they gave him a new set of airpods. Seungmin’s loud whining and bitching about losing his first pair wasn’t done on purpose. Really, it wasn’t.)

They played video games the entire day, yelled at each other for the most part of it, laughed their asses off for the rest, and ate all of Seungmin’s favorite food - pizza, lasagna, chipotle, caramel popcorn - that kinda stuff. Seungmin’s parents stopped by with chocolate cake, wishing their son the happiest birthday and telling him how they’re so proud of him for getting by without any major fuss ever since he moved away from home to start college. They kiss him goodbye, earning a few teasing glances from his friends, and Seungmin only sticks his tongue out at them as he pulls his parents into a bear hug. 

And now, it’s been over three hours since Jisung, Felix and Jeongin has crashed into Seungmin’s apartment to celebrate his birthday with him, and they’re all beat with all the screaming and jumping and all that thrill that comes along with playing video games, so they all huddle around the kitchen island to help themselves with the cake, and just talk about everything and nothing. 

It’s not much - Seungmin’s birthday celebration - but he himself preferred it to be this way, to keep the celebration as simple and as exclusive as possible. Over the years, Seungmin had come to realize that a grand party doesn’t always guarantee maximum happiness and contentment. Though admittedly, Seungmin’s not really the type to get hyped over his birthday. Sure, you get cool presents and get to eat cake. You’re a year older, and therefore wiser. But it’s like any other days. You don’t wake up on the morning of your 19th birthday to realize you’ve grown an inch taller, or that you finally have hints of stubble on your chin. Or that the distance between you and your best friend had miraculously reduced overnight. 

As Seungmin stared at his reflection in the mirror on the morning of his 19th birthday, he presumed, that maybe, birthdays are more than just receiving presents, or having to eat cake, or about being a year older. Maybe the celebrations are supposed to bring relationships together, relationships that were once so strong, and unbreakable, that no one would ever think that there’d ever be a chance of falling out. Maybe it’s actually meant to mend these relationships - these _friendships_ \- that are on the verge of breaking, a friendship that is pretty much like theirs, as much as Seungmin would like to admit.

The party was supposed to be the prompt, the reason, the excuse. The excuse for Hyunjin to come see Seungmin again, and Seungmin, having accepted being called as the ‘_distraction_’ in Hyunjin’s rigorous training, being the one to be left alone in the theatre or in the middle of a baseball game whenever Hyunjin gets called on by his coach on such short notice,_ being the one who always misses the other more_, will be the one to adjust and understand that his best friend has now a very prominent and busy life, and maybe, in this new life, Seungmin now plays an insignificant part in it. 

Ever since they went their separate ways when they started college (Hyunjin was offered a scholarship in this grand university in Seoul, where as people claimed, held the best swim program in the country, while Seungmin was lucky enough to get in his dream university, also in Seoul, but at least 12 kms away from Hyunjin’s), they both found it difficult to find time for each other. 

Seungmin understands, of course, because it’s fucking _college_. It’s already the second semester of their freshman year, and Seungmin has gotten close to the people he never goes a day without seeing (he loves Jisung, Felix and Jeongin with his whole heart though he would never admit it out loud), and by now, it’s safe to say that Seungmin has already adjusted to the college life, despite it being his first time living away from his family. But there would always be those days that he couldn’t help but feel a little scared, because while half of his life seem to come together on its own, the other half of it seem to just _fall apart_. Seungmin is scared because the longer the time drones on, the further Hyunjin seems to move away, and Seungmin, never knowing what it’s like to lose an important person in his life, has absolutely no idea how to handle it. 

Seungmin tunes out his friends’ loud voices as he stares towards the front door, letting his gaze linger at the empty, quiet foyer, imagining his best friend bustling in the door without knocking (like he always does), and flashing that stupid grin on his face. In all honesty, really. All it takes is for Seungmin to see that smile, and the world would automatically be okay again. 

“Did he say he’ll come?” Comes Jisung again, and Seungmin just wishes he’d shut up. Seungmin opts to ignore the question, but when he looks up and realizes that all three of them have grown quiet and are now staring at him expectantly, Seungmin defers that he doesn’t really have any other choice.

Seungmin opens his mouth to say, _yes. Yes, of course he did, he's my best friend_, when he realizes that _no_, as a matter of fact, Hyunjin never said anything about going to his party. 

"Well-" He starts, almost telling them that Hyunjin goes to his birthday _every year_, so Seungmin only assumed that he'll be showing up today.  
But that just sounds pathetic. 

"He didn't say he couldn't, so." Seungmin ends it at that with a shrug, trying to look nonchalant. He refuses to look at any of them in the eye, afraid that his expression would give away that he’s anything but chill about the whole thing, and he misses the way all three of his friends look at him with pity. 

Seungmin plans to introduce Hyunjin today at his party, which explains Jisung’s impatience and constant bugging (he appears to be the most excited to meet Hyunjin among all of them). His college friends have never met Hyunjin before, but they all knew who he was, not because Seungmin talks about him a lot, but because well, Hyunjin is kinda famous. Hyunjin’s a renowned young swimmer, snatching titles left and right when he competed in high school, so it isn’t much of a surprise when he got offered a scholarship in the best university that can help him train and hone his skills. It’s also the same university where Hyunjin’s favorite swimmer is currently attending, so when he got the news, the boy was _elated_. It doesn’t only mean he gets to see his athlete crush, but he also gets to train with him. Hyunjin was in high spirits for two whole weeks because of that. Seungmin doesn't think he has ever seen the other boy smile and laugh that much in their 8 years of friendship. 

“Oooh! Is it Park Jinyoung’s birthday, too?” 

Seungmin is almost grateful for Jeongin’s attempt to break the awkward silence. Almost. 

“Really?” 

“Let me see!” 

Felix and Jeongin lean closer towards Jeongin to take a peek of his phone, and while they feast over this piece of information, that - 

“Oh, Seungmin! You share the same birthday!” 

Seungmin sits there as if the whole world just crashed on him. 

Because, _oh. That’s today. _

Jinyoung’s birthday party is today. Jinyoung, Hyunjin’s number one inspiration and athlete crush. The birthday party, which Hyunjin is invited to and excitedly told Seungmin about over the phone two weeks ago. Jinyoung’s birthday party, which Hyunjin would never miss for the world, not for anything, not even for his best friend's birthday celebration. 

_Oh_. 

Seungmin isn’t sure what he’s supposed to do with the information. Should he be glad that he can finally put his mind at ease, that finally, he can stop expecting for the door to bust open, because now he’s a hundred percent sure that Hyunjin isn’t coming? Or should he dwell on the fact that the whole intention of his birthday party is a dud, and that with Hyunjin’s absence, Seungmin receives the answers to his many dreadful questions?

A sudden surge of energy shoots through him and then Seungmin’s on his feet, making his way to the fridge. He pulls out two, three, four. _Four_ bottles of soju and hands out one for each of them, his friends casting confused (Jeongin) and worried (Felix) glances at him, except for Jisung, who whoops out in excitement and is the first one on his feet to fetch the bottle opener. 

Seungmin knows it’s a bit cowardly of him to turn to alcohol after being put in this kind of situation. But what other choice does he have, when all he wants at the moment, is to actually feel okay, even if he isn’t. Even if he knows that alcohol doesn’t actually do anything. It doesn’t help you _forget_, unlike what people claim. It doesn’t help you forget, but basing on Seungmin’s limited experience with booze, he realizes that it does make your thoughts scatter around. It doesn’t help you forget, no. Instead, it gives you the inability to think properly, and that is _exactly_ what Seungmin needs right now. 

They head back to the living room to get on with their drinks, Felix suggesting to play Uno cards while they’re at it. They only get to play one round though, which almost seemed to have lasted forever, Jisung and Jeongin being the remaining players. Seungmin sided with Jeongin, which leaves Felix no choice but to pair up with Jisung. The game ended with Jeongin attacking with a combination that sends Jisung on his feet (literally), knocking over his almost empty bottle and soaking the cards wet. Felix groans for the passing of his beloved set of Uno cards. 

The night went on with them trying to finish their bottles, snacking on leftover food and sharing all kinds of stories that any other group of college boys would share with each other. At some point, Jisung and Felix ended up slow dancing in the middle of the room, while Jeongin and Seungmin watches from the couch, laughing their asses off because Jisung sort of steps on Felix's foot on purpose. When the laughter has died down, and their energy dwindles to sleepy grunts and complaints, Seungmin allows them to stay the night. After all, he is partially responsible for offering them alcohol in such short notice, and they all gladly accept the offer as they respectively find their places in Seungmin’s cramped bedroom. Felix spoons Jeongin on Seungmin’s bed, while Jisung sprawls himself on the limited space by their feet. Seungmin prepared a sleeping bag on the floor, just in case Jisung wakes in the middle of the night, seeking for a far more comfortable sleeping space. They all look too peaceful to interrupt now, so Seungmin lets them be. With one last look at his friends, Seungmin shuts the door quietly. 

It’s only a few minutes past 10 pm, still a bit early for Seungmin to head to bed and call it a day. But Seungmin shouldn’t be blaming the time though, because the thing responsible for Seungmin’s still active mind, despite the alcohol taking control over his thoughts, has a set of pretty eyes and a dashing smile. 

He heads over to the kitchen window, climbing over the counter to pry the window open. He still doesn’t get why the previous owner of this apartment, or whoever planned the entire interior of this unit, thought it was a brilliant idea to place the counter by the fire escape. Defeats the entire purpose of a quick escape in case of emergencies. Anyway, Seungmin swings his feet over the window sill, and carefully lands on the little balcony that makes up the fire escape. He settles on the stairs which stretches up to the next unit above him, and looks on to the view of the city below. 

Seungmin couldn’t help but think he’s being a little cliché at the moment - sitting up here feeling lonely like he's some lead character in a romance movie who got his heart broken by his lover (insert: sad instrumental music in the background.) But he can’t help it. Not when the lights from the city look so beautiful from this distance, not when the breeze of the wind feel extremely cold, completing the whole melancholic experience, not when the heavy feeling in his heart feels so real it might as well be tangible. 

He’s not sure if it’s because of the depressing ambience that Seungmin only starts to feel the effect of alcohol on him. Or if it’s the other way around - the alcohol bringing about the sadness and the heavy feeling in his heart. Either way, Seungmin really likes to point fingers on things and have them be responsible towards his feelings. 

Like how he’s blaming Hyunjin for building the hope that he was gonna show up today. But if the question,_ ‘Seungminnie, what do you want for your birthday?’_ doesn’t imply that Hyunjin’s seeing Seungmin on his birthday, then what in the hell is that supposed to mean? 

Seungmin believes it was last spring. The last few moments when Hyunjin wasn't completely caught up in his training schedule yet and still had some time to spare and hang out at their favorite ice cream parlor. Seungmin actually had two exams that very next day, but he didn’t tell Hyunjin that, because if he did, Seungmin knows that the other boy would cancel their plan and would ask Seungmin to study instead. Between his studies and wasting time with his best friend, Seungmin does know how to set his priorities straight.

“Seungminnie, what do you want for your birthday?” 

Hyunjin has this tendency to blurt out random questions whenever they fall into silence. Seungmin couldn't really say that he's used to it, because the level of eccentricity of Hyunjin's questions always varies, and Seungmin finds himself surprised by them most of the time. 

This particular question didn't give Seungmin much of a shock though, and he's even surprised that a response automatically pops in his head, and it spills out of his mouth before he could stop himself. 

“I want to spend it with you.” 

Hyunjin didn’t hear him, (un)fortunately, because right on time, an ambulance passes by, blocking the half of Seungmin’s sentence. 

“What?” Hyunjin frowns over the wailing of the siren, his upper lip completely smeared with vanilla ice cream. 

Seungmin breaks out of his reverie when he suddenly feels the stairs rattle slightly, and he lifts his head up from where he buried it in his arms and sees a figure climbing on the ladder attached to the balcony. Seungmin is ready to scream, but when the light from his kitchen window cast on the stranger’s figure, Seungmin’s heart sort of drops, and he _still_ kinda wants to scream, figuratively speaking. 

Suddenly, all the thoughts that clouded Seungmin’s mind earlier is thrown out the window, and the weight in his chest dissolves to little flutters that makes him exceptionally happy. 

“You came.” Is the first thing he says to him when he manages to land on the balcony. Hyunjin rushes over to him and pulls him into a hug, muttering endless apologies for being late. 

Seungmin disregards them, immersed in the fact that Hyunjin is really _here_ right now. He really came. 

“I knew you’d come.” Seungmin mumbles in his chest, and for some reason, Hyunjin suddenly burst out crying, burying his face on Seungmin’s shoulder as he tries to muffle his cries. 

Hyunjin mutters something along the lines of, "missing your party" and Seungmin just couldn’t stop himself from chuckling.

“Hey, it’s still my birthday, so technically, you still made it.” 

He rubs the boy’s back as an attempt to calm him down and Hyunjin responds by tightening his hold on Seungmin’s waist. 

As if only remembering Hyunjin’s parkour antics earlier, Seungmin pushes him away with a scowl.

“You didn’t think to use the front door?” 

Hyunjin, face wet with tears, stares at him confused as he tries to figure out what he's talking about. 

"You could have dropped to your death." Seungmin helpfully adds, and Hyunjin finally catches up. 

"Minnie, we're on the third floor." 

Seungmin glares at him, and Hyunjin immediately searches for his hand, smiling timidly. 

"I saw you all the way from the street, and I just sprinted towards you without thinking much about it.” Hyunjin sniffs. 

Seungmin reaches over to wipe the tears on his face, and proceeds to move his hand up to fix the boy’s fringe. Seungmin wanted to argue that no matter how far (or near) you are from the ground, there’s still a big fat chance of hurting yourself depending on the manner of your fall. But he decides it’s not worth both of their time, so instead, he asks, “So, how was Jinyoung’s party?” 

Hyunjin hesitates for a short second. “It was fun.” 

“Did you get to eat a lot of good food?” Seungmin pulls him by the hand as he guides them towards the stairs to sit. 

“Yeah, they had deviled eggs which reminded me of you because you like eggs and you’re a-” He pauses to laugh at Seungmin’s furrowed brows. 

“I dare you to say it.” 

Hyunjin only chuckles louder as he shakes his head. 

“I also met Jinyoung sunbaenim’s friends. They were all really nice.” He proceeds to share about all the things he experienced in Jinyoung’s party - the people he met, the games they played, the food they had - and the whole time, Seungmin was smiling along as his friend chatters excitedly. In fact, Hyunjin is too excited that he completely forgets about the purple box he’s holding the whole time. 

“Oh, Minnie, this is for you.”

Seungmin giggles as he accepts the present, having already noticed the present since they sat down, but decided not to say anything and just wait until Hyunjin gives it to him. 

“Happy birthday.” Hyunjin turns to him with the prettiest smile adorned on his lips, and for a moment there, Seungmin kinda forgets about the gift too, because the light from the kitchen window reflected perfectly against Hyunjin’s face and Seungmin’s just sort of lost in the view. 

“Open it.”

Seungmin doesn’t know what to expect. Over the years, Hyunjin only ever gifts him shirts or hoodies, but this one appears to be different since it’s wrapped in a box. Unless it's a shirt in a box, then-

Seungmin burst out laughing as he pulls the round crystal ball from the packaging, remembering now their whole conversation that spring day. He shakes the ornament and they both watch as the tiny orange particles, which Seungmin presumes are the leaves, fall over the autumn tree. 

"Autumn because your birthday falls on the start of the season." Hyunjin says before carefully reaching out to turn the ornament over, pointing to a switch which allows it to play music. 

Seungmin turns the knob a few times before lifting the crystal globe upright again, his smile widening when he recognizes the piano instrumental rendition of one of his favorite songs. 

“It’s beautiful, Hyunjin. Thank you.” 

Hyunjin opens his mouth to say something, but he seems to have decided against it when he closes it shut again. 

"What?" Seungmin asks. 

"It's 'I like you' by Day6. The song, I mean." 

"Yeah, I realized that." 

Hyunjin only nods then tries to avert his gaze from anything else but Seungmin, and the latter, in his frustration, fails to notice the blush that has crept on the other's cheeks. 

"_What_?" Seungmin asks again, sounding a little impatient. 

A high pitched voice that isn't Hyunjin's responds to Seungmin's question, and the two boys immediately turn their heads towards Seungmin's kitchen window where three figures push each other around as they all try to fit into the frame. 

"Goddammit, Kim Seungmin! He's trying to say that he li-" 

Jisung's mouth gets clapped over by Felix's hand and they both disappear from the frame, leaving all the space up for Jeongin to occupy. Seungmin can hear angry hushed voices from the kitchen and as if realizing this, Jeongin leans out the window and yells over the noise, "Hi, hyung! I'm Jeongin." 

Hyunjin waves back tentatively before leaning closer towards Seungmin, whispering, “Are those the friends you were talking about?”

With a big huff, Seungmin gets on his feet to head back inside. “_Unfortunately_.”

Seungmin didn’t expect that Hyunjin would be able to remember what he told him last spring. While Hyunjin has the tendency to blurt out random questions, Seungmin, on the other hand, tends to say the first thing that comes to his mind whenever he thinks he needed a diversion. 

“Seungminnie, what do you want for your birthday?” 

“I want to spend it with you.” 

“What?” Hyunjin frowns over the wailing of the siren, his upper lip completely smeared with vanilla ice cream. 

Seungmin chuckles and wipes Hyunjin’s mouth with a napkin. Seungmin waits for the ambulance to be completely out of earshot before saying the first thing that comes to his mind, 

“I _said_, I want a snow globe.”

  
。。

As Seungmin tucks himself to sleep on the night of his 19th birthday, he’s more than certain that a grand birthday celebration won't ever grant him the same kind of overwhelming feeling he has at the moment, not even when he and his friends have decided to sleep on his living room floor and Jeongin's back is pressed against his side, and Jisung has a leg over Seungmin's torso. (Maybe, you just need to find the right people to spend your day with, and no matter how you choose to celebrate it, nothing would make it any less special.)

Seungmin lifts his head slightly to look over Jisung's and Felix's sleeping figures, towards Hyunjin's direction, who is now trapped between Felix's arms. 

Hyunjin catches his eye and immediately breaks into a grin. They burst into giggles when Jisung lets out a loud snore, and Seungmin allows himself to lie back down, eyes closing, and heart swelling in joy. 

Seungmin just had the best birthday ever. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! kudos/comments appreciated <3


End file.
